Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Giant Japanese Killer Robots

Current Reading: A critters manuscript.

Inspirational Quote: "The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking, and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophes." -- Albert Einstein

Robotech. Gundam. BattleTech. I loved these things as a boy, but when I grew up I began to see that they lacked a certain realism.

"GJKR-114 Online."

"Watch it, you're falling over."

"Whoops! Neural helmet takes a bit of getting used to."

"I wish it were just that."

"Now I'm tipping over backward. What gives?"

"Gee. I don't know. Maybe there's a flaw in the whole idea of a humanoid robot with so many weapons in its torso and arms that it's seriously top-heavy?"

"Oh, geez. I think that was someone's house."

"Yep. 13 Rosedale Lane. Not a lucky number. I see you've put your foot right through their roof. Garage is gone too."

"I was trying to stay upright!"

"I'm sure the rest of the neighborhood appreciates your thoughtfulness."

"I thought this thing had gyros to keep it vertical?"

"Gyros designed by men who spent too much of their youth watching cartoons and built by companies who get work by underbidding everyone else. If you were expecting perfect functionality, I'm afraid you're in for some disappointment. I see you're finding your seat a little uncomfortable."

"Actually, yeah. How can you tell?"

"Neural interfaces are wonderful things. I've never seen a forty-foot tall robot pick at its butt before."


"Could be worse. We lost our last test pilot due to a lapse in manners."

"You mean he was dismissed for insubordination?"

"No, I mean he decided to pick his nose. Pushed the index finger cannon muzzle right through the cockpit."

"My God!"

"Yep. Learned a lot from him before he left us, though. Did you know that sexual fantasies create the same neural patterns as the command to fire all missiles? He got, er... distracted during a test run and took out most of the base."

"I see the craters from up here. What about the north end of Pratt Park?"

"Combination of the napalm launcher and a badly-timed sneeze."

"The brass thinks these things'll inspire fear in the enemy. It'll work. I'm already terrified."

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