Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Seduction of Archie Andrews

Current Reading: Marching As To War, by Pierre Burton

Inspirational Quote: "In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth." -- Mahatma Gandhi

I see Archie is planning to propose to Veronica.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about this. I mean, I've known Archie for a long time... way back when he was in high-school. Never an over-achiever, he was there for a number of years so I had plenty of time to get to know him and Jughead, Reggie Mantle, Veronica Lodge, Betty, Moose, Dilton Doily, Midge, Ethel and the rest of the gang. We've lost touch the last few years though, and I hear a lot's been happening. He's finally gone to college, although I wonder if he's left behind Mr. Weatherbee and Mrs. Grundy or whether, without Archie in Riverdale High, they've finally been allowed to follow a career path into higher education.

Regardless, I was shocked to hear that he's planning to propose to Veronica. I mean, yes, she's beautiful. Sure she's rich. But she's also shallow and indecisive, and her father's an indolent control freak who does an awful lot of paperwork but never seems to have a job. I suspect he's an accountant for the Mafia.

Wherever men get together over beer and run out of conversation, the question always arises: Betty or Veronica. Well, okay, usually it's "Ginger or Mary-Ann," or sometimes (as in Red Dwarf) "Wilma or Betty." I've always been firmly in the Betty camp. She's smart, sensible, and dependable in addition to being beautiful. She's always struck me as the kind of gal you'd be happy to take home to Mom, and you'd be pretty darned happy to have her around when your pigheaded stupidity got you into trouble you couldn't handle yourself. She's resourceful and forgiving, and when she shows her temper, you know it's because you've done something genuinely worth her getting angry over.

So Archie's been seduced by big money and sex appeal. That's the way I read it. He's not the first college boy to have fallen for it. So I hear, anyway. I went the sensible route and only occasionally wonder what would have happened if I'd lived a little less settled an existence. And I didn't know anyone with big money.

Still, marriage is a big step. Although, now that I think about it, maybe not that big in this modern world. Out of my wedding party of eight, four have been divorced and one has yet to get married. It's common enough that failed marriages may almost be considered a right of passage into true maturity. Again, I have no practical experience. I've been married almost twenty years. Of course, I make no claims to maturity either.

Which makes me believe that I've stumbled on to Archie's plan, one worthy of Reginald Mantle himself.

He's marrying money, you see. It won't work out. It won't last. There's been no word of a pre-nup, so odds are good that a divorce court will order dissolution of the common property and a fifty-fifty split. Archie comes out of the deal comfortably well off and free to marry Betty.

On the other hand, Veronica will end up owning half of Archie's jalopy. I think there's a moral in that, but I'm not wise enough to figure out what it could be.

1 comment:

slcard said...

Now that was funny.