Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Star Wars vs. Star Trek

Current Reading: Marching As To War, by Pierre Burton

Inspirational Quote: "If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any war." -- Pentagon official explaining why the U.S. military censored graphic footage from the Gulf War.

"Captain, we're facing the Death Star!"
"Target the exhaust port, Sulu."
"Full spread of torpedoes and phasers, sir?"
"Nah. Won't need 'em. One'll do just fine."
"Aye, sir. I'll ready self-destruct too, just in case."
"Good idea. It's nice that the designers threw in that little feature in case we wanted to remove a strategic advantage from our side and destroy any possibility that we might recapture it. Blowing up old ships and then building new ones keeps the economy strong and builds morale within the military-industrial complex."

"The Enterprise will be in range in five seconds, Lord Vader."
"Power up the main gun."
"That's for destroying planets, Lord."
"I know, but it's survived everything everyone else has ever thrown at it."
"What about in the Search For Spock?"
"Self destruct doesn't count. I mean, who in their right mind builds a warship with a self destruct? The ship's massive and terrifying, armed and invincible... oh, except for that little red button that'll blow it to smithereens after a nice, conveniently long countdown. Personally, I figure if you're going to build a dreadnought and want to keep it from falling into enemy hands, don't build in a self-destruct, build in an autopilot programmed to collide with the nearest enemy ship. That way they don't get to keep your ship, and they don't get to keep one of theirs either."
"Yes, Lord Vader."
"And while we're on the subject, someone should throw a cover on that thermal exhaust port. That thing's just begging for a torpedo enema."

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